1st Day Eid 2020

Assalamualaikum and hi..

Todau is the first day of Syawal and marked the first time i celebrate raya without my family..huu.. I don't feel like raya at all..it feels plain and empty and none.

I do video call with my family in the morning..and my mom and dad called me first to wish Selamat Hari Raya..huu..the sadness already gone..just heartless..feeling happy that my family wish me first in the morning..huuu

After done vc with my family, i go visit H's family..he picked me up and we go to his house by grab and he paid also.. everything was okay until i ask him to change his dp with our pic. I also stayed at his house until maghrib. We perform solat maghrib together with his family, his cousin, abg saudara become the imam. The food was nice and warm my heart.. I got to eat lemang..

the lemang and chicken rendang

pic of him


Then, after a while, i went home. He sent me by grab and ride home with his motorcyle. Then i ask him to change pic and he refused saying that i shouldn't ask him to do what he dislike. I feel like being betrayed. That is how i feel after his respond. I feel insecure and hated myself. I feel like there's lots of things that we don't have the same thought. I feel disturbed for a while and i ignored him.

We are so different. He don't like me touching his handphone, but due to his past mistakes, now i can touch his phone. He got so many secrets and didn't share with me. I got confused either i should stay or end it..hmm

I am writing to ease how i feel right now.

#iaminkl #rayainkl2020

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