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Dreams and fantasies

Assalamualaikum and hi inche blog

The post before this is going down memory lane but now, I want to talk about my dreams and fantasies..haha..i call all of this as dreams and fantasies because it was too good to be true. And It takes real destiny “takdir” for it to become true and reality.

My first dream…

I dream to meet an architect and fall in love and get married to him and have my dream house as a present. It would be very lovable for me. Having my own dream house built by someone so dearly to me. If I did become one of the health professional, I want to meet him as my client or patient. Someone that I care and treat to become better. I guess I had been watching too much korean drama, so I dreamt to meet my love like that. A drama meeting..hahhaa…so much fantasies..

In real life, for me, falling in love is very hard, I guess only “sibajubiru” is successful in entering my heart. So far, for now, I guess I can’t be a health professional yet, I had so mush to much to learn and too much that I need to remember…huuu..but I won’t give up. I did study 4 years in dietetics, so it is such a waste if I didn’t work in that field. So, if my dream comes true, I would be very happy.

In my imagination, an architect would be like matlutfi, kind, full of sense of humor, handsome and cute and also someone who is Islamic.

My second dream…

All my friend said that this is really a fantasies..hahah.. I dream to meet a korean idol, which is someone who can sings, dance and plays music instruments very well..and now I am a fan of BTS..BangtanSeonyungdan..haha,,this season and semester I am in love with their songs. They are so much younger than me in age. I like them, because they made their own music and songs and they tried so hard until their music is being recognized by the world. I am impressed with their hardwork. I want to work as hard as them to achieve my dreams. So one day, I want to go to their fan signing event and have a picture with them. My impossible dream is to become their noona and become their family and friends,

Sometimes, I do dream to have a husband like them, handsome and talented but if I have a husband like them, I would not live in peace because there would be too many fans in their life..hmm..so I guess my dreams stops at being their friends.

But if I am able to meet them, maybe I would not become too impressed with their handsomeness. Some people said, the stars looks very beautiful because it is far away but if it is near us, maybe it would not very beautiful. But still if I had the chance to have someone like that as my husband, I would be very grateful. He can sings to me when I’m stressed, play music to me, sings my favourite songs..the only lacking which is the important one is  he is not Islamic. So, the dream is very impossible to become true so it become fantasies.

So, the dream can still be achieved if I want to meet them during fan signing. But, the effort must be large because to meet them is very hard, and until the time I can meet them, maybe at that time, they are not famous like now..so I hope one day I can achieve that dream..

The end for my dream now..
Sometimes, people dream something that is impossible to achieve so that they have the courage and put more effort in achieving it. So the dream become possible to achieve..
I can dream having them in my life but as long as they are idol, I guess their life belong to the public.
Life is not fantasies, it is reality…
#dreams #BTS #midsembreak
16:04
November 7, 2015

~dreaminginlife

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A Week At My Umah Sewa..

Assalamualaikum…

Ok, this time, I will wrote in malay plus english.. sy dah lama giler tak menulis di blog ni..nak kata busy sgt, busy sgt2 sebab dah tahun akhir, tapi if the passion to write tuh tak ada still xleh nak write jugak.

Seminggu cuti semester ni, I have decided that I won’t go home to my hometown. I stay with one of my housemate. If all of them going home, I guess I will go home too because I am a bit scared to stay alone in my rent house. I do miss my hometown because it has been a long time but thinking all of the tutorial, assignments and all of the papers that I need to finished and submit, so I’ve decided to stay in palam finishing all of it. Once I go home, I won’t be able to do all of that because being home, meaning free of all assignment…haha..that kind of feeling of holiday, not doing anything, just rest and lazy around..

First day

Jadi, cuti hari pertama sy di rumah sewa, sy telah menonton drama melayu tajuk “aku bukan buaya”.  Citer ni agak jiwang, so banyak lagu-lagu melayu yang agak jiwang contohnya lagu hafiz, tapi sy tak ingt pulak tajuk..haha…ingt suara hafiz je..dan sy sendiri tak percaya sy boleh stay tgok cter ni..hmm..sy bertahan sebab citer ni byk sgt lagu-lagu yang sy suka..hehe..lagu afghan..tetiba sy nak tgok pulak cter ni..lagu jodoh pasti bertemu. Dan sy berjaya habiskan tgok drama ni sampai habis. As always, the drama have happy ending. Ok la drama ni bg sy..takla best sgt sbb typical malay drama. In real life, rasanya tak mungkin terjadi kot..haha..i don’t believe in drama and fantasies.hehe

The thing about myself, bila sy dengar lagu jiwang ni, sy akan teringat kisah-kisah zaman dahulu kala sy..hahah..sy tak banyak pengalaman jatuh cinta sbb saya sendiri pon tak tahu cinta tuh macam mana..tapi dalam hidup sy, jatuh cinta tuh pernah sy rasa sbb bagi sy cinta tuh bila sy inginkan yang terbaik untuk org tuh..sy jatuh cinta dgn org yang sy tak pernah jangka..sy mungkin sukakan dia, sayangkan dia, cintakan dia..semuanya mungkin..hahaha

Semasa sy dalam proses sukakan ‘dia’ tuh, nama dia selalu ada dalam doa sy..kadang-kadang bila sy sedih, atau stress, dia akn muncul dalam mimpi sy, buatkan sy mampu tersenyum dalam keadaan yg stress.. sy tak tahu knp sy sgt suka doakan dia, Allah swt kata, jika kita sukakan seseorang, kita doakan yg terbaik untuk dia. Sepanjang dia di sana, sy selalu doakan dia. Hoping the best for him and let him always in the right path. Sy panggil dia “sibajubiru” sbb one of my friend called him that..haha..Actually, he looks very nice wearing blue colour of baju melayu. That is why he is named as “sibajubiru”.

Lama-kelamaan, hati sy makin sembuh, nama ‘dia’ tak lagi berada dalam doa sy. Kita tak boleh sukakan manusia lebih daripada kita sukakan ALLAH SWT. Mungkin hati sy dah sembuh, sy tak lagi sukakan dia..bila sy dengar he is good now. I guess I stop liking and just wishing all the best for him. Sy gembira kenali dia sbb sy belajar, erti rindu, erti sayang, erti inginkan yang terbaik untuk dia, erti tak kisah bila dia tak pernah sukakan sy. Dulu mungkin sy sedih dan kisah, tapi sekarang itu semua dah tak penting. Zaman cintan-cintun ni dah berlalu dalam hidup sy. The phase is gone already..

Sekarang focus sy hanyalah untuk habiskan belajar and contribute something to the community especially to my family and loved ones.
#sibajubiru #midsembreak
13:45
November 7, 2015

~first day mid sem break

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Kill me, heal me

Assalamualaikum and hi inche blog..it has been a while since the last post. Lately I am under extreme discomfort and stress. I have been thinking too much and too hard. I guess I think 200 miles ahead what happened now. I thought about all the consequences and everything.



So, to overcome and actually run from all the stress, for this weekend, I’ve been watching Korean drama entitled kill me heal me. It is a story about a man with dissociative personality disorder also known as multiple personality disorder. As I already know the plot, I was hoping the story to move faster but actually for me, each episodes have their own strong part. I loved every episode starting from episode one. And also for every episode, there is sadness. Sometimes it overwhelmed me and I cry. This drama helps me tears down and release all the unnecessary feeling I am having. The hero is ji sung and the heroin is hwang jun eun if I didn’t misspelled their name. their chemistry is very good and I liked it so much.

The story evolved from a rich heirs who had this disorder and gets help from a psychiatrist doctor as the heroin. The hero is cha do hyun and the heroin is oh ri jin. I feel very sorry for cha do hyun because he seems so lonely and he got no one he can talk to. Meanwhile, oh ri jin is a very bright and happy personality. Quite the opposite. I love this drama more than “Hyde, Jekyl Me”. This story is more real and ji sung acts so cool for each of the character. Suddenly I loved ji sung.hahaha..

From the drama I’ve learned a lot about how this disorder develops and by healing all the personality heart, this disorder can be cured. As a friend or a person closed, we should never let our friend lose their hope or let them let go the rope. We should always have their back and support them. The second hero also was very cool, as always the second hero is always the support one but in this drama there is no triangle love between the second hero and the heroin. So I am quite impressed.

The story continues as cha do hyun realize oh ri jin is the key to cure his disorder amd eventually oh ri jin is the reason he split his personality. Thus in the end, oh ri jin helps with the scattered puzzle and he is cured. The love line in this drama is also different from any drama that I had watched. Both cha do hyun and oh ri jin don’t say by words that they loved each other but they expressed it with their action. Thus, this drama is not very childish about pupply love and so on. It shows how strong they are connected with each other and how it develops pure love.

Apart from that, there is no ‘tarik tali’ between the main leads. So I liked it. It was honest and true to each other, they expressed what they feel and go for it. The whole story mostly about the personality that cha do hyun had. It was very funny when ahn yo na appears, dangerous but romantic when shin se gi appears, suicidal thought when ahn yo sub appears, elderly character when perry park appears, cute and childhood memories when  nana @ cha do hyun small appears and mysterious but unharmed when Mr.X appears. It was very nice watching all the personality and each character appears.

It gave me thought how I should appreciate being who I am. I am thankful though for My Creator for always be with me so that I can bears all the pain. But for this drama cha do hyun can’t bears the pain alone causing him to split and create his own personality that can helps him bears the pain. Korean drama always taught me something about life, don’t give up life so easily, trust our own ability and make the best out of nothing.

I’ve been watching this drama for two consecutive day..hee..keep replaying the part that I loved..hee..then, after two days, I’ve start doing my assignment. Hopefully I can survived this semester and keep going until the end of my journey. I can’t wait for the end but nervous about what is along the road. Would I be ok if I stumble and cry? Can’t I fight back and keep moving?

The future is very unpredictable and fragile, what we did today may or may not determine yesterday. So, we must always be prepared to face it as we don’t know what could possibly happened next.

For now, take care!

20:52
May 4, 2015

~be happy

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Thoughts In Life

"some people learn from mistakes, but some aren't"
"sometimes when you think you know that person, you're wrong because people change through time"
"if you can have negative thoughts about me, why can't I, it is a decision"
"why you want to know how I feel, when you never tell me yours"
"why you questioning my act , when I never questioning yours"
"how long can you keep it until you lose it while your heart no longer in it"
"why questioning the change of heart when you can't never control it"
"why questioning the past when you can't never change it"
"why gave forgiveness, when your heart can't truly accept the fact"
"why seek forgiveness, when you don't truly feel the guilty of what you did"
"why need a reason, when you can't see and accept it, it'll become an excuse"
"when you think negative all the time, all you see is black even though it's white"
"when life hit you hard, be soft and tough, so you won't break in the middle of road"
"there's something need to be keep hidden for the sake of something"
"some people traumatized due to extreme experiences"
"you don't wears my shoes and I don't wears yours, so don't judge and upset if my opinion is differ from you"
"you had your secrets, my secrets mine"
"having trust is part of relationship"
"trust strengthen the relationship, if you don't have one, yours is fragile"
"respect is earned, trust is build"
"the way you see him is not the way I saw him"
"not important to you but valuable to me"
"if you know someone pretending, you know it because you are a good 'pretender' or 'fakers'"
"don't you think, it's rude to say someone is not sincere enough?"
"so, are you the one that is the most sincere person among us all"
"when people don't include you, how can they say you're isolating when they're the one doing the 'excluding stuff""
"if you won't take in my hand, why would I reach out my hand for you?"
"useless and waste of time doing"
"I don't asked for your understanding, just a little respect and accepting my decisions"
"people always have reason why they do, but do they need to reveal the reason just to make you satisfied?"
"have you ever thought that, they maybe don't want to share the reason to you?"
"do you like being pushed for something you don't like"
"people only share what they feel with someone they comfortable enough to talk"
"I don't mind if I am not the one you're comfortable enough to share you secrets, you have your choice"
"everyone had the choice, so do I"
"everyone had secrets, secrets shared with family, secrets shared with closed friends, secrets shared with friends and secrets only you yourself know"
"it's written in your face, you don't like it, but still I thought positive of you. I am not foolish, I'm just being optimistic"
"it helps you keep going even the path keep hurting yours"

00:23
Mac 23, 2015
~doing assignment..

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Throughout the life

Assalamualaikum ince blog..
Too much things happen but today i want to tell you how i have been thinking..
Bila waktu susah sesorang itu tidak bersama kita, adakah wajar untuk kita bergantung harap padanya lagi bila kita susah, bila kita perlukan teman untuk berbicara. Maka, bila itu terjadi, saya tidak lagi mengharap dia berkata, "awak ok ke?nak saya tolong tak?". Dengan sendirinya saya faham, saya tak bole berkongsi rasa dan berharap dia akan cuba memahami saya. Saya tak perlu lagi berharap pada satu pengharapan palsu. Saya penat, maka saya cari seseorang yang bole membantu saya tak kira masa bila saya perlukan pertolongan. Hanya dia yang bertanya,"awk ok ker? Sy bole tolong awak kalau awk nak". Maka, bila saya rasa amat dan perlukan pertolongan dari seorang insan, saya akan minta pertolongan dari dia.
Sepanjang saya di palam, bagi saya ini adalah masalah yang sy perlu berkongsi walaupun pada luaran, saya nampak ok.
Pertama, waktu laptop sy rosak, saya sedih sangat sampai sy bole tertido sambil menangis. Saya tak tahu mahu minta pertolongan siapa sbb bagi sy bila laptop sy rosak, sy seperti kehilangan seorang kawan dekat. Tak ada sesiapa pon tanya saya, "awk nak baiki tak laptop awak? Sy knal tempat baiki laptop yg elok." Saya pendam semuanya sendiri, saya berusaha sendiri untuk baiki laptop sy. Akhirnya sy dapat juga baiki laptop sy, syukur sgt2. Bila laptop sy da siap, barula sy tahu yang bole baiki dgn tehnician uitm, tu pon sy tahu bila kawan sy yang tadi beritahu pada sy bila saya merungut padanya tentang harga format laptop. Sy tak beritahu padanya laptop sy rosak. Salah sy sbb tidak beritahu padanya terlebih awal. Sy cuma merungut pada orang sekeliling sy, tpi mereke langsung tidak memberitahu saya soal itu. Hanya bila sy beritahu yg sy patut format dgn uitm, barulah mereka kata mereka da lame tahu cuma tak beritahu pada sy. Waktu itu, hati sy sangat terkilan, sy berkata dalam hati, inikah yang dinamakan kwn? Tapi, lama-lama sy anggap ini takdir dan sy positifkan diri, mungkin mereka terlupa. Tak mengapa, lumrah manusia. Tak sesiapa perlu disalahkan cuma sy yg bersalah kerana menganggap mereka tempat sy bole bergantung harap. Ternyata mereka tidak. Salah saya sendiri mengharap terlalu tinggi.
Kedua, semasa telefon sy hilang di airport, sy terkejut dan sedih tapi hati sy tenang. Air mata sy tidak menitik walau satu pon. Sampai skrg sy trauma bila hal melibatkan barang, terutamanya telefon. Selepas beberapa hari barulah sy bole menangis bila memirkan yang negatif tentang telefon itu, selepas harapan sy untuk menemui telefon itu sudah tiada, maka sy berserah. Waktu itu, sy sangat memerlukan kata-kata semangat dari orang yang paling hampir dgn sy tapi tiada sesiapa pon yang berkata atau menghulurkan bantuan "tak ape la awak, mungkin Allah swt ingin yang lebih baik untuk awak, jom, sy temankan awak cari telefon baru " Hanya kwn yg jauh kata begitu pada sy, masa itu sy rasa sgt terharu , ada lagi kwn yg prihatin dgn sy. Waktu itu jugalah semua perkara cuma diberitahu melalui wasep sbb baru permulaan semester. Tiada sesiapa inform pada sy, sedangkan sewaktu telefon sy hilang, satu kelas tahu. Orang yg paling hampir dengan sy pon tidak berkata apa- apa sehingga sy tahu sendiri dan semuanya sudah terlambat. Waktu itu sy sedar, sy tidak lagi bole bergantung harap pada sesiapa even orang yg paling hampir dengan sy sbb kita tak tahu sedekat mana dia dgn kita. Pandangan manusia itu berbeza. Sy pandang dia sebagai kwan paling dekat, tapi mungkin dia pandang sy cuma sekadar kawan biasa.
Ada lagi satu masalah sy yg besar cuma ia terlalu peribadi untuk diluahkan disini.
Setiap hari ada masalah baru cuma ini adalah masalah yg besar bagi sy yg membantu sy menilai sejauh mana nilai sy pada orang lain. Setiap pengalaman mematangkan kita dan kita ambil pengajaran bagi setiap peristiwa yang berlaku dalam hidup ini.
Setelah berfikir panjang, sy membuat keputusan untuk tidak rapat lagi dengan sesiapa supaya sy tidak kecewa di kemudian hari. Sy jadikan diri sy seperti sy yang dulu, seorang yg pendiam dan sangat berahsia. Sy berubah supaya sy tidak lagi melukakan hati sy sendiri. Sy mahu hidup dalam dunia sy sendiri, bercakap hanya bila perlu sahaja supaya mereka tidak terluka dan sy juga tidak.
Setiap orang punyai sebab jika dia berubah, dan sebab itu tak perlu diluahkan pada orang yang tidak memahami dan juga orang yg prejudis. Cuma sy mohon Allah swt kuatkanlah hati saya untuk melalui semua ini.

#rahsiahatisaya
#apayangsyrasakamutidakrasa

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The Dream Journey

Assalamualaikum inche blog..

I'm back in palam pursuing the dream..and when i took a bus coming here..i still feel a bit scared due to the accident thatvhad occured to me before..trauma i think.. I thought about lots of things and finally i managef to sleep..even when i travelled with my friend beside me, i still feel unsecure and uncomfortable thinking about sort of things that could ever happen..thankfully i am safely arrived here..pursuing and finishing what i have started..
Things will get better..i will get over this..
Thanks My Creator for always be with me..

#themeaningofalwaystogether
#AllahSWT
#trauma



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I Learn...

I learn that people don't like it when you talk too much, so i learnt to be quiet...
I learn that you can't expect others to understand you, so i learnt to understand myself...
I learn that people don't always care about your feelings, so i learnt to put myself first and don't care about others feelings...
I learn that people don't like critics about their favourite stuff or things, so i learnt to be quiet...
I learn that you can't always depend on others, so i learnt to keep my problems only to my self...
I learn that you can't also depend on your friends, so i learnt to stand on my own two feet...
I learn that you can't always depend on your family, so i learnt not to share my problem with them and stand alone...
I learn that your life and my life is different, so learnt to be open minded and not prejudice...
I learn that things happen for a reason, so i learnt to be positive and patience..
I learn that people always have their own reason for what they did, so i learnt to be more understanding about their situation...
I learn that you don't judge a book by its cover, so i learnt not to be judgemental...
I learn that people had their own secret that they don't share with anyone, so i learnt to respect them...
I learn that childhood memories and also experiences can affect your currrent and future life, so i learnt to forget all the memories...
I learn that life don' t always give what you want, so i learnt to be patient, not give up, be quiet and thankful for what we already had..


#learninghardthroughexperiences #thecolourfuloflife
#friendship #familybloodrelated

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